How Can I Possibly Teach Jayden When I've Fallen Off The Wagon Myself

I have always considered Esteban the rock of faith in our marriage and I have always counted on him to see me through tough times. I admire his faith and practicality in times of adversity. It's because of him that I initally started to learn and grow in my faith. When I lost my first baby, I didn’t know what to do. First, I cried, a lot. And then I prayed and in one of my prayers, I promised God that if I could just get pregnant again, I would raise my child as a Christian and teach him the ways of the Lord. This was going to be a tough job for me since I myself was just a beginner. I wanted to do a much better job with my kids than I had been doing with myself so far.

I’m still stumbling, but sometimes I am surprised at the things I am able to teach Jayden. He’s three years old now and we pray before meals and recently started prayers before bed. I talk to him about Jesus and show him the picture we have hanging in his room so that he can make the connection. Today, I told Jayden we were going to church. I found myself telling him that it was Jesus’ house. So naturally, he asked me where Jesus was and I answered that Jesus was in his heart. I realized at that moment I had never taught Jayden where his heart was so I showed him and smiled at myself.

We attempted to bring Jayden to the nursery with the other kids his age, but he cried hysterically. I left him anyway thinking he would get over it. When I went to check on him about 15 minutes later, he was still crying. I felt so guilty, but still I walked away. I get so distracted when Jayden sits through the service with us and more than ever, I really feel I need to hear the message and have God penetrate my heart. I need the Holy Spirit to move in my life and I want to open myself up to hear the Word, but I can’t because I’m constantly whispering shhh, stop, quiet, Jayden, shhh…

So five minutes later, I see that 288 flashes up on the monitor. That’s Jayden’s lucky number. I rush to the nursery and he’s sobbing. It really was sad to hear. Oh well, I tried. And the nursery attendants had tried too. I got him to calm down and took him back to the service with us. I kept him entertained with paper and a crayon. And luckily, it wasn’t too bad. Well, except for the part when he was kicking the back of the chair in front of us where a man was sitting and being very patient. And the part when Jayden was asking me for snacks and crayons and grabbing the new member cards and the tithe envelopes…

Tonight when we prayed he asked where Jesus was and I reminded him that Jesus was in his heart. Next thing you know, he was lifting up his shirt so he could look underneath and catch a glimpse of him. It was very cute and heartwarming.