Renewed Faith

Success comes in the most unexpected way. I haven’t put Jayden on the potty since last week some time. I noticed that he was grunting and I asked him if he needs to go to the potty. He says potty and runs. I run after him and see that he’s running to his room where the clean diapers on. I missed it again, I think to myself. I told him to come back so we can go to the potty, like a big boy. “Did you go already?” Yes he says. I check his diaper and I see that he hasn’t. There’s still time. I remove his diaper and he sits on the potty. This time, I try yet another approach. I ask him if he needs privacy. I will wait outside and you call me when you are done. Book, he says. I get him his book and he tells me he wants me to sit down with him so I do. As he flips through the pages, I hear him grunt and then he says mommy and points to his bum. “Are you finished?” Yes, he says. He stood up and sure enough, there it was. I was never so excited to see poop. I was so happy. I showed him how to dump it into the toilet. He went running to flush and wash hands. It was awesome.

I ask him if he wants to wear a diaper or his undies and he chooses the big boy undies of course. A little while later I ask him if he has to go pee and he says no. And he’s playing and fooling around with Maya and before you know it, he says Mommy, pee-peeeeee. Except this time he didn’t hold it. He’s just peeing as it were the most natural thing in the world to be peeing on his Elmo chair and on the area rug in the living room. Grrrr. I take him to the potty and sit him on the chair while I scrub the carpet (and try to calm down). Then I try to have a civilized conversation with Jayden. I mean, I don’t get it. I just asked him if he had to go and he said no. Why? Why did he go and not hold it or try to get up to go to the potty. I’m actually tired of hearing myself at this point. I don’t’ even know why I put on his second pair of undies.

Before we could make it to the next 30 minute potty break, he says Mommy, pee-pee. I take him to the potty, but it’s too late. He’s already gone in his undies. At least this time, he held it. We get to his potty chair and he finishes up there. The corner of my lips twitches and wants to smile in thankfulness but instead I feel drained and my motivation is gone so I clean him up and go back to the trusty diaper. About 10 minutes later, Jayden comes running and says he has to go pee. I tore off his diaper and he sat down on the chair, whimpering “No mommy, no potty.” Not even two minutes later, he says he’s all done, which he says all the time. Never mind, I think to myself. I start to pickup the diaper and realize that he did it. He actually went in the potty. I am so happy. Renewed faith. I can do it. I can go on to teach another day. Thank you, thank you.

How Can I Possibly Teach Jayden When I've Fallen Off The Wagon Myself

I have always considered Esteban the rock of faith in our marriage and I have always counted on him to see me through tough times. I admire his faith and practicality in times of adversity. It's because of him that I initally started to learn and grow in my faith. When I lost my first baby, I didn’t know what to do. First, I cried, a lot. And then I prayed and in one of my prayers, I promised God that if I could just get pregnant again, I would raise my child as a Christian and teach him the ways of the Lord. This was going to be a tough job for me since I myself was just a beginner. I wanted to do a much better job with my kids than I had been doing with myself so far.

I’m still stumbling, but sometimes I am surprised at the things I am able to teach Jayden. He’s three years old now and we pray before meals and recently started prayers before bed. I talk to him about Jesus and show him the picture we have hanging in his room so that he can make the connection. Today, I told Jayden we were going to church. I found myself telling him that it was Jesus’ house. So naturally, he asked me where Jesus was and I answered that Jesus was in his heart. I realized at that moment I had never taught Jayden where his heart was so I showed him and smiled at myself.

We attempted to bring Jayden to the nursery with the other kids his age, but he cried hysterically. I left him anyway thinking he would get over it. When I went to check on him about 15 minutes later, he was still crying. I felt so guilty, but still I walked away. I get so distracted when Jayden sits through the service with us and more than ever, I really feel I need to hear the message and have God penetrate my heart. I need the Holy Spirit to move in my life and I want to open myself up to hear the Word, but I can’t because I’m constantly whispering shhh, stop, quiet, Jayden, shhh…

So five minutes later, I see that 288 flashes up on the monitor. That’s Jayden’s lucky number. I rush to the nursery and he’s sobbing. It really was sad to hear. Oh well, I tried. And the nursery attendants had tried too. I got him to calm down and took him back to the service with us. I kept him entertained with paper and a crayon. And luckily, it wasn’t too bad. Well, except for the part when he was kicking the back of the chair in front of us where a man was sitting and being very patient. And the part when Jayden was asking me for snacks and crayons and grabbing the new member cards and the tithe envelopes…

Tonight when we prayed he asked where Jesus was and I reminded him that Jesus was in his heart. Next thing you know, he was lifting up his shirt so he could look underneath and catch a glimpse of him. It was very cute and heartwarming.