RIP Olivia Amaya Herrera

In the early hours of the morning, I received a call from Esteban and I immediately felt panic. I worried that he got into a car accident, but it was much worse... His mother passed away. She was still young and although she was suffering from diabetes, she was under a doctor's care. It was a complete shock.

Afterwards, I couldn't sleep. I lay awake waiting for him and thinking. I thought of Esteban's boys who were living with his mother. What was going to happen to them now? I wished I could go with him to the funeral, but I never got the kid's passports. I was stuck. I never imagined something like this could happen so soon. Who could watch the kids for us while we travelled? No one.

Jayden and Maya never met their grandmother. Esteban always wanted to take them, but we never found the right opportunity. Sometimes it was money. It was a high cost trip and every time he went, it seemed to get more expensive. Then I worried about the being too young to visit a third world country, especially since it required very stringent travel plans. I was always stressing about the food. Nothing is pastuerized or homogenized. My first trip there, I wasn't right in the stomach for 6 weeks and when I told the blood bank I had been out of the country to Honduras, they wouldn't take my blood for a year. The last time I went, I was pregnant and my doctor did not get in my way, but he did not agree with the trip. I would have liked to go with him Esteban last fall but it was going to end up being very expensive since now we needed 3 plane tickets. Plus, he had to travel to both Honduras and Guatemala. That alone would require a full day of travel, hotel stays in Guatemala, crossing borders, men with rifles and ammo strapped across their shoulders. I couldn't put the kids through that. And it just got too complicated... So many excuses and now she's gone. He'll never have that satisfaction, thanks to my worrying.

Esteban adored his mother. I felt awful for him. Did he really say his mother? Maybe I misunderstood. Maybe he said his grandmother. I felt confused, but deep down inside I knew he what he said. He loved her more than a son loves a mother. He loved her because she took him in when no one else wanted him. She raised him and made sacrifices for him like his own flesh and blood never did. He felt indebted to her. Where was he? An hour later, I called him and he was still at work. He was going to finish his shift. I don't know why, but I felt scared all of a sudden. I got up and checked all the doors and locks. So many thoughts clouded my mind. I could barely find sleep and just as my eyelids were closing, Esteban's brother called. I was jolted back into thoughts and worry. I was half asleep and half awake when E finally got home. I felt him get into bed. He just lay there. The phone rang several times. No sense trying to sleep. We ended up getting up, making phone calls and travel arrangements, and packing.

Esteban's mother was an angel of God. She was a young widow when Esteban was brought to her. She adopted him as her own and raised him, naming him after her husband, who died in war. She later remarried and had two children, but she raised many in her household. She raised her sister's son when she passed. She spent more time raising Esteban's children than their own mother. She was currently raising Esteban's youngest sister who is only 16 years old and she also had both of Esteban's boys. She helped raised countless others. She was a retired teacher and beloved in her church and community. I wish I knew her better. I only got to meet her twice. She always doted on her son and she depended on him like no other. She was very hospitable and always showering us with gifts, but she was always difficult for me to read and sadly we never had our moment to bond.

It was her dying wish to have the wake in her home, but literally hundreds arrived to pay their respects and they had to move her in the middle of the viewing to a funeral home. On the first day, atleast 300 had come to pay respects and more were waiting outside for lack of space. Esteban arrived on the second day of the viewing, along with his aunts and uncle. It was a very difficult time for him and we appreciate all of the prayers for strength and comfort during this time.

These photos were taken during Esteban's last visit with his mother in September of 2008.