Co-Sleeping?

According to Wikipedia, co-sleeping, also called the family bed, is a practice in which babies and young children sleep with one or both parents.

I’ve never been a huge advocate of co-sleeping. I’ve always felt that children should learn to feel safe and comfortable in their own beds. I believe that it can interfere with a couple’s relationship. And I really feel that at the end of a long day of bouncing back and forth between the kids, I need a break. I need me-time. I need to retreat and have a few minutes all to myself to unwind and relax. I never allowed Jayden to sleep with us and trust me, Esteban has always suggested it. Especially if Jayden’s not feeling well or if there’s a bad storm or if Jayden wakes in the middle of the night, he will want his little boy in bed with us. I have always put my foot down. It was a non-negotiable.

So WHY am I doing this with Maya? WHY am I letting her sleep in bed with us? I have no idea. I’m breaking my own cardinal rule. Maya still wakes one to two times at night to nurse. One night, she woke up crying and Esteban got up and brought her to bed with me so I could feed her. I normally sit in my rocker to nurse her, but I was so exhausted that night, I just lay there and fell asleep and I’ve been doing it ever since. Worse of all, I find that letting her sleep so closely to me has been most helpful thing I could do as far as her nipple confusion goes. In fact, I spoke with a nutritionist who suggested that prior to feeding time, I spend time with Maya encouraging as much skin to skin contact as possible. In essence what I was trying to do was to get her to fall in love with me all over again. And it seems that she has! Since I’ve started to co-sleep, she’s latching on incredibly well and our nursing sessions are getting shorter, and more productive. In fact, she’s stopped wanting the bottle from the sitter. She will still take the bottle from Daddy, but twice this week Maya has only taken one bottle in a ten hour stretch at the sitters. Of course, that concerns me, but then she gets home and makes up for it.

I don’t know what to make of it. All I can say is that our bed is no way near big enough. I’m super tired. Subconsciously, I am worried that Esteban will roll right on to her or that she’ll roll off the bed onto the floor when I’m nursing her on my left side. I don’t think I ever fall into a deep sleep and I spend quite a bit of time guarding Maya from Daddy when he's having a restless night. My body aches from holding my position and from sleeping on the edge of the bed to make room for her. And I’m worried that I am creating a monster.