BFP!

I was due for my period on Wednesday. I decided to talk to Esteban again about the possibility of a sibling for Jayden. Maybe we could start trying after I got my period. Esteban was in total agreement. I was thrilled. He said, let’s wait until you start your next menstrual cycle and we’ll try again, like we did with Jayden. So, the wait was on. The rest of the week passed without signs of my period. I was cramping, but nothing else. What’s going on? What’s taking so long. I don’t know why, but I felt anxious to get started. The weekend comes and goes and nothing. Did I mess up with my count? We were using the rhythm method. I know it’s not reliable, but it was working great so far.

Now it’s Monday morning and I’m several days late. The thought is in the back of my head. Could I be pregnant? Esteban and I had made love several times before my trip to NJ but I could have sworn that we had missed he window of opportunity because of the timing of my trip. While I was in NJ with Jayden, there were a few times that I felt a bit odd. I didn’t know what it was, but towards the end of my trip I would feel these small waves of nausea. It was crazy. It couldn’t be. I had a left over pregnancy test from when we were trying to conceive Jayden. Take the test. Get it over with. I got up and walked to the bathroom. I took the test. I sat on the toilet bowl afraid to even look at the test until the 3 minute mark. POSITIVE! OMG! Thrill, excitement, scared! What should I do? I can’t believe it. It’s positive! We’re having a baby. Jayden is going to be a big brother.

A Sibling for Jayden?

We had really hoped that Esteban’s kids would be able to come join us in Florida, but it didn’t work out that way. Our requests were denied so it will be a long time until green card requests are processed. I hoped the kids would join us and that Jayden would know what it was like to grow up with siblings. Now, that the plans have changed I asked Esteban, “Now that we know that the kids won’t be coming any time soon, don't you think we should give Jayden a sibling?” He wasn't for the idea, but he wasn't against it. I gently reminded him that we don't have the luxury of time. I'm 34 now and I don't want to go through a pregnancy after the age of 35. There are too many risks and tests and doctors prognosis’. He’s coming around. If we start trying now, Jayden would be 2 - 2 1/2 years old at the birth, which would be perfect.

Lots of Kids and Even More Cousins!

It would be nice to have more children. I've been thinking of that lately since my clock is ticking louder and louder. If we decide to have another, I hope for it to happen before I hit 36. I am 34 now. I told Esteban we have one more year to kick the idea around. I visited a girlfriend recently who said, “What's the point of having more? All brothers and sisters do is fight.” This may be true, but I think there is so much more you learn when there is more than one child. I fought with my sisters my whole life, but I love them to pieces and I love being with them and now I especially love that our children will grow up together. I think back to all of our adventures growing up with all of our cousins and I wish the same for my kids.

Jayden Is Not Himself. Please Believe Me!

Yesterday, I called Esteban to tell him I was on my way home. He starts bragging about how good Jayden has been. (What is he saying? Jayden only misbehaves with me? Or that I over exagerate?) Grrr.

As soon as I get home there he is looking crazy and Jayden is screaming his head off having one of his moments. And Esteban goes, "I don't know what happened. He woke up like that." Finally, he sees what I was talking about.

Then last night, Jayden had another bad night. He fell asleep with no problems, but then kept waking up screaming for no reason at all. Do you think Esteban accepts that Jayden is not behaving normally? No. Now, he tries to convince me that Jayden is sick because his nose is running. Of course, it can't be because everybody's nose runs when they are crying that loud.

Esteban just won't believe me and insists that he must be sick. He wants me to give Jayden Tylenol. Hello? For what? I didn't know Tylenol cures temper tantrums!

Bad Mother

I am going crazy here, alone with Jayden. I am constantly losing my patience, screaming (sometimes at the top of my lungs), desperate for Jayden to stop whining or throwing temper tantrums. I think God knows this because he's been trying to help me along. I think I'm just plain tired. I long to go to work and I fear being home with him on the weekends. Isn't that awful? I am such a bad mother and even still God blessed me with a son. Little Jayden is so sweet. When I picked him up from daycare today, he was just precious. He didn't know that I was there and he was playing with an abacus. When he finally saw me, he froze for just a second. He threw the toy aside with such force, as if to say to heck with that. He came right over to me. I picked him up in my arms and just hugged him and smelled him and kissed him. Right before we left, he slowly bent his face to mine and kissed me on my lips. That makes it all worth it! That’s what I have to remember when I lose my patience with him.

My First Scare

Esteban left yesterday to Honduras. I was home alone with Jayden and it was my first night. He gave me quite a scare. Last night, he got really cranky, but it was unusual. Not his normal, I'm sleepy cranky. I decided to give him some Tylenol and then I took his temp because he felt a little warm. Rectally, it was 100.7. Good thing for Tylenol. Then when I fell asleep, he kept crying through the night. I would go to his room, rub his back and then he would drift back to sleep. Around 3am, I went to his room and he was burning up. Whoa! Red flag! It was my first time finding him with a burning fever. My radar went off! How could this happen? Esteban isn't even home to help me with this.

At first, I thought what should I do? What should I do? Ok, slow down. Think. He couldn't breathe through his nose so I tried the aspirator, which he was not having. He hates that thing. Then I reached for the Tylenol, but decided to give him Motrin instead. I remembered when my girlfriend's son got sick she was told to alternate Motrin and Tylenol to break the fever. I brought him to my room with me and sat up with him till around 4:30. He still had a fever but it was down slightly. I didn't re-temp, but I could feel that he wasn't as warm. Thank goodness for those baby books. I have the "What to Expect" book for the 1st year and I have the "What to Expect from Birth to 5 Years" book from the National Academy of Pediatrics. I turned to fever and said keep the baby hydrated so I got him some juice. It also said to sponge the baby if you can't get the fever to break in an hour with Tylenol or Motrin. I didn't wait the hour. I got a towel and moistened it with warm water and put it on his forehead and his neck. I had thought about alcohol since that's what mom used to do with us, but the book said NO alcohol. It makes the fever worse and the smell can be harmful to infants. It also made me more relaxed when I started to read and see that most of the hype around high grade fevers is for babies under 2 months or babies less than 6 months. Since Jayden is one year old, I was able to relax and try to take care of it instead of thinking, OMG, I have to rush him to the hospital.

He eventually fell asleep, thank you God and I just checked him and his fever is gone. Thank Goodness I have a doctor appt for him today. It is supposed to be his 12 month appt. Right now, I'm happy that Esteban wasn't home or he would have been freaking' out and driving me crazy.

Lockdown for Jayden

I bought a baby gate over the weekend to keep Jayden in his room. Is that bad? He drives me bonkers which his toys all over. I feel like all the cleaning and picking up I do is for nothing because he's close on my heels with a new trail of toys behind him. Not only does me make messes all over, but he falls down and hurts himself all the time. (He's still learning how to walk and there's no carpet, only tiles. Ouch!) Plus he tries to put everything he finds in his mouth, including Rio's dog hairs! His room is childproof, but he always follows me to wherever I go. Now with the gate, I am able to keep him safe, he makes all the mess he wants in his room and I can get some chores done around the house. Golly, never thought that day would come where I would lock my son in his room at the age of ONE! Hehe