New Schedule, New Life

For the past 5 months, I have been doing the exact same thing, day in, day out. I was trying to make the best of my new circumstances, but I was in such a rut. I felt sad and bored, but I couldn’t bring myself to say that out loud to anyone else. And when I thought about my husband’s kids joining us, I was terrified of losing my life as I knew it. It was ironic that the life I was so scared of losing, was the same life I was so sick and tired of. I’m sure I was depressed to a certain extent.

It’s amazing what the new schedule has done for me. Since school started, I am out and about much earlier. I have more alone time as well as more quality time with Maya. I feel like my days are longer. More productive. Gotta love that! And I spend a lot less time fussing at the kids. What a relief not to have to hear myself say the same things over and over again. The added peace has done wonders for me. I didn’t even know how tired and bored I was until my life changed.

So what did I do my first week? I spent a lot of time worried about Jayden at school. I wandered around the house in quiet disbelief. I felt like a part of me was missing. I guess back to school was an adjustment for Jayden and I both. On the flip side, I also did my housework in complete peace. Simple tasks didn’t take double the time to do anymore. Esteban got a ton done around the house and in the garage. I did my first hour of volunteer work at the school. I even got out to the stores to do some couponing and clearance shopping. And I got a much needed haircut!

And next week, who knows… I might even schedule lunch with a friend!

Garage Conversion

The garage conversion project seems to have come to a standstill. Our 1st guy ended up giving us the best price, but we didn’t know that at the time and wanted to shop around before making a decision. The 2nd guy was kinda slow at the beginning, but really followed through on getting his people out to give their estimates. The price was on the higher side of the scale but we were still considering the estimate until his electrician came out and said that we would have to replace our entire electrical panel. The 3rd guy is still under consideration. He was just as pricey as the 2nd guy, but agreed to lower the price if we do the floors and paint the walls.

During this time, I began to wonder if it might not be cheaper to stay away from general contractors and try to break up the job ourselves. So I proceeded to gather estimates from a couple of framing guys and a couple of A/C guys. Both framing estimates came back higher than each of our first three estimates. And the 1st A/C estimate never even came back. The guy left us hanging. The 2nd A/C estimate came back higher than general contractor #2. At that point, we felt certain that the 1st guy was the best option, but when we called him back, he did not return the call. I was crushed because I was hoping to start construction asap, so I took a few days to mull it over and come to terms with it.

Meanwhile, Esteban has let the neighbors convince him that together, they can do it. Now, that wouldn’t be a bad plan if at least one of them really knew what he was doing and could guide the project along, but they figure, how hard can it be? Worse comes to worse, they can get a printout from the computer. (What?) They send him over to check out what one of our neighbors has done in their garage. And I must say, yes, they probably saved a ton of money, but the project has taken two years AND is still far from complete. Plus, no one in the group knows how to finish and texture drywall so the new room is very rustic looking. (Hmmm.) Not to mention the fact that matching up their schedules when one works nights and weekends and the rest work days, is like waiting for the planets to align. I can’t even fathom this being an option, in my head.

I should also mention that by this point, the floor plan has changed at least three times. First we did away with the closet, thinking we could save some money that way. Then we decided to make the room a little bigger. Then we went back and forth on how to keep the room cool and everytime we changed the plan, we had to change which walls would get insulated. Now, Esteban has decided that the garage door MUST be functional. (Grrr.) I feel tired just thinking about it.

Nothing seems to be falling into place at this point and while I was doing the dishes I thought to myself, “Hey God. What’s up with that?” And that’s when it dawned on me. Maybe it’s not our time. Maybe the right person hasn’t come along yet. Maybe there’s a better option, another alternative, another plan, God’s plan… I really don’t know, but Esteban and I both agree that we should take our time and not make hasty decisions. No sense in rushing the project. When it’s right, we will know it and feel it.

So today, we decided to go and introduce ourselves to a neighbor who has recently moved into the neighborhood and is completely gutting his new house. During our chat, he offers to take us on a tour. It’s amazing what he’s done. Updated lighting, new fixtures and sinks, a complete bathroom renovation, additional cabinets in the kitchen, built-in's, AND a converted garage. It's so cool. The garage will now have a laundry room, a bedroom with a half bath and a space for the lady of the house to do hair. Wow! And the electrical panel was not a problem at all. I felt renewed hope in our project. We asked him to come by and take a look at the space and we’ll see what he has to say.

2nd & 3rd Day

Evening prior to Day 2: Jayden is not wanting to go to bed, even though he woke up at 7am, had a long day at school, cut the grass with daddy, and played with the neighbor's kids until 7pm. He should have been wiped out. This was clue #1. He didn't fall asleep until just after 10pm.

Day 2: This morning, Jayden didn't want to get up, or get dressed or go to school. He starts to wince on the way to school and says he doesn't want to go to school. He misses mommy and Maya too much. He wants to stay home with us. Why did I leave? etc. etc. I try to encourage him and reinforce that all little boys go to school and that I will be back later inn the day to pick him up. When I attempt to leave, he begins to cry at full speed and throws himself on me. And the teacher had to rip him off of me. I left crying. It was awful.

Day 3: Last night, he was whining all night that he didn't want to go to la escuela anymore. When I said he had to go, he asked if Maya and I could go with him. So sad. I hope for the best as he falls asleep earlier, but in the morning, he begins the day crying hysterically. He cried all morning, all the way to school, and as I left, he was waving goodbye and crying, "Byeeeeeeeeeeeee!". I had to stop in the hall and dry my eyes, remembering how he was begging me to go back home with Maya and Daddy. I wait for a few minutes. I hear the teacher encourage him and his crying slows. I look in and he's getting ready to wash hands for breakfast, but he's red faced and still a little shaken. So sad for him.

Day 1 was denial. Day 2 & 3 were a mix of sadness and bargaining. Maybe by Friday, Day 5, we will be at acceptance....

First Day of School

Jayden's first day of school was what I call a psych-out. He went willingly. He was happy. He played with the toys. He seemed content. I left. And when I picked him up, his eyes were still red and swollen. I found out he broke down after breakfast when he realized that I left. Ugh.

Here's my baby in the car. This is the only picture he took willingly. For the rest, I was on my own.
We were waiting outside for the doors to open. You can tell that he's not completely sold on this school thing.

He cracks me up. Look at that face.

In the classroom, he sits and grabs a toy. He seems fine as he peeks over to me. I have already said good-bye at this point and I was by the door, trying to get a good picture.

Here he is getting something new to play with, but you can see the look on his face. I'm hesitant to leave at this point.

Here's my last peek at him before I leave. He's kinda just there. I heard the teacher tell the kids to gather up to wash hands for breakfast. I figure he's fine. It's probably harder for me to leave since we haven't been apart in two years. Little did I know how wrong I was...

Open House at Head Start

Today, we took Jayden to get his "back to school" haircut! Wow, words can't even express how excited I am for my little man. He sat for his haircut as usual, got his lollipop and was on his way. Next stop: New School!

It was a little chaotic at first. We ended up in the wrong classroom because we thought his teacher was going to be Ms. Randolph, but it ended up being Ms. Helen and Ms. Ann. Jayden and Maya were off to play with all the toys. There was so much to look at. Parents and kids were everywhere. I felt overwhelmed for Jayden. When I finally caught up with him, his first words were "I like my new school, Mommy!"

Jayden and the rest of the student's names were all over the classroom and I felt so happy that the teachers had taken time to prepare for their new students. Here's the front door to his classroom.
Here's Jayden's cubby. I thought this was too cute. I don't know why, but I immediately envisioned Jayden in some sort of rain coat, an umbrella and some galoshes and laughed to myself as I imagined him and the rest of the kids pushing each other along when they hang up their jackets in the morning.

Part of the classroom... Jayden was immediately parking the toy cars in the spots labeled "blocks" and pulling everything in sight out onto the floor. God bless teachers. I can't even imagine.

Here's the other part of the classroom.

This was a cool corner of the room.

Jayden shows me his favorite pictures on the border. I hope we will be on the bus route 'cause he has his heart set on riding the bus with his friends.

Afterwards, they provided snacks in the cafeteria. Everything was so cute and tiny. The cafeteria ladies were so happy. They had fruit, veggies, sandwiches, cakes and cookies, and juice of course. Jayden waved his arms in glee at one point and then started to clap. He was thrilled. I knew it.

UPDATE: Reuniting a Family

August 20, 2009: We received the birth certificates. I quickly scan them along with all the final documents and head to the post office. I tried to overnight them, but that option is not available. (We were given an APO address.) The only option is Priority Mail. I went ahead and send them with delivery confirmation. Now, we wait.

August 19, 2009: The long awaited birth certificates are in the U.S. Now we wait for the US Postal Service.

August 5, 2009: We received the signed legal forms from the kid’s mother authorizing their move to the U.S.

July 23, 2009: The last thing required is Proof of Relationship between Parent and Child, or in my case, Petitioner and Stepchild. I spent a bit of time looking through old photo albums and digital images. I collected a few photos of us together along with letters written to me by the children over the years. I’m going to send these with copies of my passport showing my visits to Honduras. Transaction cost: $12.13 Total spent: $3361.44

July 22, 2009: We shipped off the legal forms to Holland for signature and anxiously await their return. At this point, I have to stop and confess that I am worried that the children’s mother may back down. I pray that she does what is best for the children, and that God illuminates her heart. May she sign the forms and allow the children to join our family here. In Jesus name… Transaction cost: $27.95 Total spent: $3349.31

July 20, 2009: Esteban accompanies the children to part II of their physical appointment. They receive their immunizations and the official forms for the American Consulate.

July 16, 2009: The appointment goes very well. There are a few things missing though so we do not receive visas today. Esteban is given a list of things to compile along with an address to mail them to. After that, the children will be asked to come back with any adult and they will receive their visas.
· Esteban made the children’s appointments for their physicals. Transaction cost: $829.49
· He had a lawyer draft the memo granting permission to remove the kids to the U.S. which will be mailed to the children’s mother for signature. Transaction cost: $158.78
· Esteban also secures a copy of Shannel’s police certificate, certifying she’s never been in trouble with the law. Transaction cost: $18.52
The last thing left will be the children’s long form birth certificates. Apparently, this is a different version than the ones we submitted. Esteban’s Tia Melida will help us with this when she travels to Honduras next month. Travel, room & board: $264.64. Total spent: $3321.36

July 13, 2009: Shannel arrives in Honduras, after a hard and long journey from Guatemala, where she lives with her husband and child. All three of Esteban’s children are together for the first time since last year. Transaction cost: $6.35 Total spent: $2049.93

July 9, 2009: I received an email saying the appointments have been scheduled for July 16, 2009 at 7:30 a.m. I am in awe of God’s power, for only He could make this happen in this way. Thank you, God, for answering our prayers. We put in calls to all our relatives asking them to stand with us in prayer, that God will show favor on our petition and grant the kid’s entrance into the United States. Shortly after, I received a second email asking us to bring all forms and documents with us to the scheduled appointment.

July 8, 2009: I drafted an email in response to the embassy. I gave them Esteban’s cell phone number as well as Jerry’s number, who is now the boy’s guardian in our absence. I also asked if we should drop off the DS-230 part I and II while Esteban is in the country. I wonder if I will need to be there as the petitioner?

July 7, 2009: I got an email from the embassy in Tegucigalpa saying they were ready to set an appointment for August 2009 and they wanted a local number to reach them at. I am shaking. Could this really be happening?

June 30, 2009: I called the National Visa Center to get some clarification on the visa packet. We finally have all the forms, passports, photos and documents we needed and filled out the forms, but when it comes to the NVC, I like to make certain. They proceeded to inform me that our case had been expedited. I just have to take a moment to say Thank You GOD! Because, I know, that I know, that I know, that all this is happening because of his goodness and grace. They said they sent the file to the US Embassy in Tegucigalpa, Honduras as of June 25th. I called the Embassy in Honduras and was given an email address to follow up with. I drafted and sent the email, the very same day. I’m hoping that Esteban can just hand deliver the forms to them while he visits.

June 5, 2009: We receive the visa application packet. The application doesn’t seem too bad. They are requesting a ton of original documents though. Many original documents, some of which we do not have. Luckily Esteban’s uncle was visiting in Honduras and he will bring us the children’s passports and updated passport photos. Because the kids are currently split up, he will only bring the boy’s updated passport photos though. Shanel’s photos and passport will have to wait until Esteban visits in July.

June 4, 2009: We send in our request to expedite the case, in Jesus name!

June 3, 2009: Things are getting worse in Honduras. Ricardito is in trouble and I am more desperate than ever to get him out of there and bring him home with us. I call immigration and they confirm they received the visa fee. The next step is the visa application packet. She tells me she will request for a packet to be emailed to me. I ask if there is any way to expedite the case. She said they will only expedite in the case of military or life and death. I explain our situation with the kids. She tells me to send in a request via email and submit a copy of the death certificate.

April 19, 2009: Esteban’s mother passes.

April 15, 2009: We sent in the visa fee. Transaction cost: $1207.99 Total spent: $2043.58

July 3, 2008: We received notification that they reviewed the documents submitted in support of an application for an immigrant visa but could not continue the case without the visa fee. We had two choices. We could send the payment, but Esteban would have to forgo his trip to Honduras. Or we could send Esteban to Honduras and wait to send the payment next year. At the time:
*Esteban had already skipped his trip to Honduras in 2007
*Esteban’s daughter bore a child out of wedlock and he was now a grandfather
*The children’s mother had decided to leave the country and the boys were practically on their own with their maternal grandmother
*Esteban’s mother’s health was declining
We decided that it was much more important for him to visit Honduras. The fee would have to wait.

June 23, 2008: I submitted the I864 and the I864A forms. I guesstimate that it took me a full two weeks of filling out applications, making phone calls, making copies, sorting through three years of financial data and organizing documents. Transaction cost: $12.45 Total spent: $835.59

April 25, 2008: We received notification that effective January 1, 2008, the immigrant visa fees increased from $380 to $400. Lucky us.

December 9, 2007: We received notification that they received the Agent of Choice letter but they could not continue until we submit the immigrant visa application fee of $380.

December 6, 2007: We sent in the Choice of Address and Agent form. This took a while because we were under the impression that they should be signed by the children personally. We later found out that because they were minor children, Esteban could sign the form on their behalf. Transaction cost: $4.80 Total spent: $823.14

September 3, 2007: We received notification to fill out the I864, Affidavit of Support. This was by far the most overwhelming application for me. I postponed the project many times and I considered giving up many times. This was my contract and promise to the children that I would be their sponsor. It was emotionally overwhelming. The directions alone were 11 pages long. The application was also 11 pages long.

August 22, 2007: We sent in the fees. Transaction cost: $214.65 Total spent: $818.34

August 6, 2007: We received the I864 processing fee bill for $70 each. We also received the Choice of Address and Agent form.

July 3, 2007: We received the I797, Approval Notice. We were thrilled.

June 16, 2007: We sent in the copies and translations. Transaction cost: $23.88 Total spent: $603.69

May 7, 2007: We received the I797E, requesting evidence. They wanted copies of the children’s birth certificates and notarized translation copies.

January 26, 2007: We received the I797, which is like a receipt. It confirmed that they received the petitions and the fee.

January 22, 2007: We sent in the I130 (immigrant petition for relative). At that time, these were $190 each. Transaction cost: $9.81 Total spent: $579.81

Our First Bowling Experience

Note to Self: I need to teach the kids all the do's and don'ts of an activity before inviting Esteban to come along...

Jayden has been asking to bowl so badly that I started to consider it. I don't know where it came from. Maybe from playing the Wii at Judy's, but we finally decided to take them on Sunday. I had a lunch date after church so we decided we would take them later in the evening and have dinner there.

I got home and picked up the family. Esteban seemed a little strange, but he was playing along so I let it go. We got to the lane, got our shoes and lane assignment and started to play. I didn't know they had special "bumpers" for little kids so that was great. Everything was fine until some bowl-a-holics got the lane next to us. It was so obvious that they didn't care for kids and things went downhill from there. Esteban kept correcting the kids and pushing Jayden around, which of course made Jayden unhappy and mouthy. It was awful. I was snapping at Esteban because he was being mean to the kids and he was annoyed.

In the hopes of saving the evening, I talked to the hostess and asked if we could switch lanes. It didn't help. Then I tried ordering food. Maybe the kids would settle down if they were munching on something and maybe Esteban would feel better too, but nothing. Esteban's mood was ruined. He started to bowl gutter balls, and continued to snap at Jayden and poor Maya wanted to participate so badly, but she kept running out into the alley and into other people's games. So she was getting pulled and tugged all over the place. Sigh...

I was devastated for Jayden's sake because he wanted to go so bad. I felt sorry that it wasn't fun and that he got yelled at so much. And I felt angry at Esteban for letting those rednecks ruin our night. Esteban misses alot of "firsts". I'll show him all the pictures afterwards, which paint such a happy picture, but teaching the kids to do something for the first time takes alot of patience and understanding. Apparently there IS someone on earth with less patience than I! So disappointed...

Horrible picture, but here's Jayden's ball going down the alley. Every ball would have been a gutter ball if it wasn't for those bumpers. He was rolling his 5 pound ball ever so gently. It was taking forever to get down the lane.

As you can see, any minute now Maya is going to pinch her fingers with those heavy balls. And Jayden gives up waiting. He comes running over to "help" correct Maya.
This is the beginning of our first game. Jayden was doing better than I was.

Jayden's first game score was 64 and his second game was 58! Way to go son!